Poker Stories is a long-form audio podcast series that features casual interviews with some of the game’s best players and personalities. Each episode highlights a well-known member of the poker. Funny Poker Stories Reddit Casino free spins bonus and deposit bonus package are available to new customers only. A minimum deposit of €10 is required to claim the 1st deposit bonus plus at least Funny Poker Stories Reddit €15 must be deposited to qualify for the 2nd deposit bonus.
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23 Jun
- Funniest Celebrity Poker Stories. Posted at 15:52h in Bankruptcy by Kurt O'Keefe. Well, to the extent we think it is funny when the rich and famous get sued.
- I've played many times with Nadya Magnus and Kenny Norman at the Horseshoe Hammond. No real stories though. I do have a story about Rick Raheem. I was playing 2/5 no-cap at Caesar's Palace, and he walked in and bought in for 20k. Started raising blind to 50 every hand. I pick up 2 red kings, he raises his 50, I make it 150, he calls.
- I suppose I could draw on some of my past Vegas trips for some fun poker content to satisfy the poker blogger community. I'm giving strong consideration to participating in the WSOP Circuit Event in April at the Horseshoe in Council Bluffs which should provide some interesting poker stories.
(Photo: Fortune.com)
Poker players are well-known for being a little crazy. Most people think it is just money they are crazy with but I think we will all admit the lifestyle and stories are outstanding. I have been entertaining myself reading some of the funniest poker stories posted online and remembering some of my own experiences. I trust and I hope that these stories are honest and I think they are. I just hope I do them justice because there is limited space.
Here are my favorite funny poker stories. The last one is my own, which happened to me some years ago and was so funny I’ve never forgotten it and I am sure I never will.
For FedEx Sake!
This one is funny to me and I laughed when I read it. It is a bit of the butterfly effect, and when you ponder it, you will find your mind realizing how crazy life can be. Here goes. In 1973, FedEx was not the multi-billion dollar company it is today. It was in deep trouble, and the company was down to its final $5,000 in the bank with a $24,000 fuel bill staring owner Fred Smith in the face. Fred decided to go down in style, heading to Vegas with his final $5,000 and gambling it (as you do!). He hit a timely run of cards, turning $5,000 into $27,000 and saving the company. Over 40 years later, FedEx has grown into the huge company it is today, giving Fred a personal net worth of over $2 billion. Just think about that for a moment! I wonder if he tipped the dealer that night?
Know Your Left From Your Right
In a small buy-in tournament in the USA, a young man was holding a short stack and staring elimination in the face. He had his hole cards in one hand and his few remaining chips in the other. He looks at his cards and stops to think for a moment and then throws his chips into the middle announcing “fold” as he does so. The dealer says “But you threw your chips into the pot?” to which the player sits for a moment then swears. It transpires he had forgotten which hand his chips were in and meant to throw away his other hand (his hole cards) rather than his last few chips. Unfortunately the poker Gods did not spare him and he busted out of the tournament. At least it appears he would have made a good decision to fold before the bad decision to “muck” his chips!
Celebrate Wisely
This story is funny, but only because it didn’t happen to me! User Laez posted this on Reddit and it was so funny I actually laughed out loud, rather than just “internet laughing”, which for me is just to smile. Over to Laez.
“A friend of mine had been running pretty bad and was on his last $300 at 1/2. He runs it up to about $800. He's feeling lucky so he moves to 2/5 with $500 with $300 to retreat to 1/2 if it doesn't work out. . Shorty after getting a seat he finds himself with KK. He limp 3 bets. Gets 4 bet shoved on by another limper and the original raiser calls. He tanks forever. Says he knows one of them has AA. Calls anyway. Both have AA. He binks a K on the flop. Triples up.
He is super stoked. Decides to celebrate by going to his favorite hooker who lives in another state an hour away. So after celebrating his luck with this hooker she asks him for a ride to another motel. This next motel is a police sting. They arrest him. Then he finds out that the hooker told them that he was her pimp. She said that he beats her, takes her money and that he is the one that posts the ads on Craigslist. They charge him with dozens of charges and tell him he could get 15 years in prison. He uses his phone call to call the poker room. We go bail him out the next day. When he comes out he says thanks but nothing else. Obviously didn't sleep that night. It's quiet in the car for like 15 minutes. And then out of nowhere he says. 'I should have folded those Kings.';
Tremendous. He should definitely have folded those kings but the true humor in this story is that he is blissfully unaware of the odd activities he undertook that led to him being arrested. I hope the hooker in question is no longer his favorite, I’m not sure she deserves it anymore.
Never Teach People to Play Poker
This story happened to me and is 100% true. My friend knew of my interest in poker and had railed me one evening when I had done quite well in a low stakes MTT and had won $50. He thought this was fantastic and said he had always fancied learning to play poker and begged me to teach him. I eventually agreed and as I have a set of chips and cards we set about playing one evening. After a painful hour or two teaching him the rules he still didn’t seem to get it so we began to play a little heads up with a view of learning as we encountered different spots. It was not difficult to beat him at first as he called everything and if I had a hand I was usually ahead.
Then suddenly we got to the flop and he raises instead of calling. “You’re raising?” I said, impressed he remembered how to do it. “Yes.” he said, looking rather excited. “We need to work on your poker face.” I said. We got to showdown. I had two pair and pure morbid curiosity had gotten me this far as he had bet every street. I showed my two pair. “Can you beat this?” I asked? “Yes.” He said, turning over his cards. “A red flush.” “A what?” I said. “A red flush.” He said, like I was the fool. And there it was. Three hearts and two diamonds. “Nice hand.” I said. He looked so happy I couldn’t break it to him, but we have a laugh about it now. He turned out to be a pretty good poker player once he got to grips with the game. Don’t forget, we all start somewhere!
Las Vegas has always been an oasis where people from all over the world descend upon the desert to unwind and get completely black out drunk, which of course leads to outrageous shenanigans. And as a society we’re incredibly fascinated by the outrageous hijinks that take place in Vegas, if anything the ‘What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas’ slogan has only made us even more curious about the crazy shit that happens in the City of Sin. Most bros have an outrageous Vegas story (tell me yours down below in the comments), but this post isn’t just that, this is a collection of stories from people who work and live in Las Vegas about the worst thing they’ve ever seen there.
For whatever reason I’ve been reading the threads on AskReddit lately, if you’ve been following closely then you’ll know that led me to strippers talking about the craziest things they’ve ever seen inside the strip club, and the weirdest sex habits of couples. This time around I happened upon a thread titled ‘People who work in Vegas, whats the craziest thing you have ever seen?’ which I obviously immediately clicked on, and holy shit there’s some weird things that happen in Vegas.
Below is are some of the best responses (and weirdest stories) I came across, but you can read the full thread on Reddit by following the link at the end of this post!
The Worst Las Vegas Stories Of All Time (As Told By Locals)
4chinisbetterkek 786 points:
Life guarded at one of the pools on the strip, at one of the most notorious clubs. I watched a guy walk up to a girl, let her puke in his hands, smell the puke, then dump it on the floor and start making out with the girl. I had to yell at them for starting to strip as well. We would be cleaning up condoms, vomit, alcohol containers, clothing, syringes and all kinds of garbage up after closing every week, it was absolutely disgusting.
I also have a family member who worked with the local government when they were trying to curb the Mob’s influence. They were instrumental in convicting a few individuals. One day, they were leaving to go to church with their family, when their son pointed out a thin wire running along their hood or something like that. They got everyone out of the car, opened it up, and found that the ignition had been connected to the fuel tank or something, essentially it was rigged so that when they started the car it would go up in flames. I guess it’s crazy that that was so close to home.
JackRakan93 903 points:
My SO’s mom is a housekeeper for one of the fancier hotels on the strip. She has stories of entering a room and seeing food littered across the room and feces smeared across the walls. On the bright side, she also finds cocaine-dusted $100 bills that she just washes and pockets.
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Chernograd 62 points:
I lived there for seven years, but I never worked on the Strip or anything. Most notable thing I can recall: someone did “Big Buttz” by Sir Mix-A-Lot during karaoke at [name of establishment redacted], and some chick in a miniskirt invaded the stage and started twerking or whatever you call it. No panties, and the most elastic, low-hanging vulva I have ever seen. It must have been a good four or five inches of swinging turkey gobbler.
She was literally whipping it. Like, up, down, back and forth, in a circle….
The crowd went fucking bananas, as you can imagine. The guys were all howling like starving wolves on the other side of a cage from a side of beef. It was legendary.
davidlee8282 370 points:
I had a guy come up to me and tried to sell me used lingerie/thongs that “strippers” wore. He had a gym bag full of thongs. I just made a 180 and walked the fuck away.
isaiah8500 177 points:
I don’t work there but my mom saw a guy crying like a baby in a diaper, next to a prostitute, out side of a Hooters.
pageplantzoso 83 points:
Local here:
A few years ago I’m the DD driving home from a local bar. Most artery streets in Vegas are 45, and I was probably going 50. I see something down the road so I start to slow down as it’s dark. It’s a dude standing there. Black dude, maybe 40-50, with no shirt on and he’s facing my vehicle as I appraoch. I get a bit closer and realize his dick is out. He is pissing in the center lane of a 45 mph road. After coming to a complete halt, we just stare at him. After a few seconds, with his other hand, he just waves me by, telling me to proceed. I did.
FoxGetThisGuyOffMe 142 points:
Work at a local college campus.
Had to have a handwritten conversation with a deaf guy about why he couldn’t look at porn in public where there were minors.
Later that same semester, in rooms where the back “wall” consists of a panel of windows, a guy sitting in the last row of computers was jerking it to some porn and ran out with his pants around his ankles when security came to remove him.
mrnickylu 118 points:
My time to shine. I worked at a Vegas restaurant that faced the Bellagio fountains so we had a ton of foot traffic in front of the restaurant and were open 24hours. I worked the graveyard shift and saw plenty of bat shit crazy. The most memorable and definitely the weirdest thing I saw was one morning around 4am, when I was working on our patio that was around 6 feet raised above the sidewalk. From out of nowhere, a giant, I mean GIANT homeless man in a floor length tie dye dress/shirt/moo moo shuffled in front of the restaurant patio towards a trashcan on the sidewalk. He began digging in the trash and I shit you not pulled out a live ferret along with some other trash, kiss it on the mouth and just kept on walking. I didn’t know if he put the ferret in there, if he knew it was in there or if he was just cool with taking on a random trash pet or what. I really hope he wasn’t baby-birding food from it’s mouth, but I remember thinking it couldn’t really be happening in front of me. I think I can confidently say that was the craziest thing I witnessed working in Vegas. TLDR: Saw a giant homeless man pull a ferret out of a trash can and keep on walking. After a sweet little kiss on the mouth of course.
richyrocks1 167 points:
God dammit. I’m a security officer in downtown Las Vegas but I’m like 9 hours late at this point. Oh well here’s a story recently at least. I have so many stories it’s hard to see which one is “the best”. There was a call for an undesirable person in our valet lot and me and another officer respond to the call. We get there and there’s an older gentleman (probably 60) sitting on the sidewalk with a backpack and a small hand bag. He is sitting with some beige pants, shirtless and no shoes. I walk closer and I see that the hand bag he has is actually a cosmetics bag that was full of make up supplies. I see he has an open bottle of bright red nail polish and he’s applying the nail polish to his forehead. The closer I get I see that he has purple nail polish on his chest, blue nail polish on his shoulders and then the red on his face. I ask him
“hey man… What’s going on here?”
“Oh. I’m just putting on my makeup”
“Alright, well you look beautiful but you gotta go”
“Oh, thank you! I’ll leave”
He proceeds to collect his belongings as slow and calm as a man could. He gets up and begins to walk away and I’m thinking that was a pretty ok encounter. I say
“Have a nice day”
He turns around and yells
“FUCK YOU! Get off me!” and proceeds to fast walk/jog away from me.
Stabfacenotback 599 points:
At a pool people watching with my friends during an all girl vegas trip, this gorgeous, fantastic beautiful woman in a white crotchet bikini gets up from her chase lounge and walks like a super model in slow motion.
Like wind gently blowing her blonde hair, tits hard, tan, the whole nine yards.
I’m a straight chick and I had a hard on for this girl. So did every single 80 year old man at the pool. They stood around her drooling. The young guys stayed back and played cool.
She dipped under the water and did the whole splash thing with her hair, I swear it was all slow motion.
When she opened her eyes, not only did she realize she was surrounded by geezers, she realized her boob slipped out.
SO funny to watch her return to her seat fast-forward after all the slow motion shit.
lango92 1005 points:
Used to be a lifeguard on the strip and the craziest thing would probably be how many people think it’s cool to fuck in the pool. I mean wtf! You need a room key just to get to the pool area, walk your horny ass back to your room to fuck.
unopocho 555 points:
Saw a British Airways plane engine explode on the tarmac about a week ago. That was pretty crazy.
fivesided_fistagon 495 points:
I don’t work in Vegas but I saw a man once on the strip with a sign that said “Kick me in the balls for $10”.
lapone1 316 points:
My mother worked in a hotel downtown. There was a man who was playing a megabucks type machine and had to go to the restroom. He told his wife to play the machine while he was gone. She did, but didn’t load the machine – only playing one at a time. The machine hit while he was gone – but not loaded. He beat her up and went to jail. She went to the hospital. This story was written in the local newspaper too. I have more stories, but this one always amazed me.
robertw3524 235 points:
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A friend worked at Tao for a long while. They’ve got a black logo on the bottom of the pool, it contrasts well with the white pool wall stuff. by the end of the night you cant see it bc the water is so cloudy and black. Also, NEVER take your shoes off. Nothing good can come from it. If you’re one of the girls who thought it was smart to wear some sexy heels, they sell emergency flats in vending machines for $11.
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Stabfacenotback 209 points:
A hooker-looking chick was wearing acrylic platform heels about 8″ high and she was walking through the front doors into the Mirage Hotel.
As soon as she crossed from doormat to marble floor, she turned her ankle and it broke right in front of me as I continued to walk out.
ObviousLobster 120 points:
Got a gig doing door duty at that pawn shop from pawn stars. One day, I was looking across the road at a vacant lot (it was fenced off, under construction). A guy in a nice button-up shirt and slacks slips behind the fence and tries to open a port-a-potty door, only it was locked. He kept trying and pulling at it getting more and more aggressive when all the sudden he just tears at the top corner of the door, bending it backwards and snapping plastic and everything. Then he steps back and proceeds to projectile urinate into the open corner of the fucking port-a-potty from like 4 feet away. Meanest looking Korean dude I’ve ever seen. His friends see what he did and run out of the shop, collect their still belligerent friend and pile in a limo and drive off.
Only in Vegas.
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I_VAPED_YOUR_MOM 45 points:
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I don’t work in Vegas, but I go to a convention there every year. Defcon.
It was my first Defcon, and this was back at the Riviera, a casino so terrible that as long as you weren’t actively demolishing the casino, they tolerated pretty much anything.
Craziest thing I saw was a guy bust through the top of the elevator solid snake style. The guy proceed to punch the emergency stop, turns to the other guy in the elevator, and proceed to ice him.
As in, made him drink a Smirnoff Ice.
After his…. bro? chugged the Natty, he turns to me and says “YOU SAW NOTHING” then runs down an adjacent stairwell.
I started walking off as security was coming up – I told them some guy hit the stop button and ran off. Natty Guy gave me a nod. Ran into Solid Snake later playing blackjack.
And that’s just a cross-section of the responses I pulled from the AskReddit thread, there are a whole lot more to read through if you’re looking for more and you can READ THEM ALL by following that link!
In the meantime I’m interested in what the MOST FUCKED UP THING YOU BROS HAVE EVER SEEN OR DONE while visiting Las Vegas has been, hit me with your answers/stories down below in the comments!!!!!